What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
