Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So gin and wine won't be happening again
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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