Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
