this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
