Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
