i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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