You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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