I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
