I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
