is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
