were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
