I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
