Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
