decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
