Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
