Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
