break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
