i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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