Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize