i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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