im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
