ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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