remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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