i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
