At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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