It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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