His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
