I wish I could punch you in the face.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
