He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
