need another drink. this is the easiest way
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
