Non-Jews are for practice
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
