I didn't shave. On purpose
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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