The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
