I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize