ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
