Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
