Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
