it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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