we have pet lesbian snakes
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think I am morally bankrupt
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
