No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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