so explain again why im purple
no
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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