my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
