my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
MIDGETS
????
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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