I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
