I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
