You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
