I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
