Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
