is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
