I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
