Im at strip club and am horny
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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