**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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