Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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