You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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