...so i touched it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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