You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You're so nebulous sometimes
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
