Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
