I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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