I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I met the friendliest cop last night
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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