the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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