I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sorry my hands just texted you
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
