She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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