he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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