he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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