More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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