I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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