Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
