I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
