Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
