Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
