you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
