you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
As shirtless as possible
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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