told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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