You can't motorboat a personality
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
