we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
