And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
