We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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